Need assistance on My REVISION please.revised_exemplication_essay.docxMario A. McClellan
ENG COMP 101
Febuary 7, 2016
Exemplification Essay
Effects of Social Networking sites
As defined by Merriam Webster, social media is ”forms of electronic communication (as
Web sites for social networking and microblogging) through which users create online
communities to share information, ideas, personal messages, and other content (as videos)”.
Social media dates back to the early 1990’s. “The first recognizable social media site, Six
Degrees, was created in 1997. It enabled users to upload a profile and make friends with other
users. In 1999, the first blogging sites became popular, creating a social media sensation that’s
still popular today” (Hendricks, 2013); that is, as far as social sites, but email and chat rooms can
also be considered a form of social media which dates as early as 1980’s. Social media, although
a rather useful tool, has replaced normal behavioral interaction between people. While it’s
achieving its purpose, it is creating a negative cognation in behavior pattern.
Typically, my friends’ update their statuses on Facebook 3x a day, if not more. This is
how users let people know what they are doing, thinking or feeling. My friends don’t have to call
or text me to see where I am because I’ve already told them through my status. Talking with
people through social media outlets eases the stress of having to call someone or go see
them. Updating your Facebook status is similar to sending one “Merry Christmas” text to a mass
of people; but, therein also lays the problem. It has become impersonal. You’re no longer making
the connections you should be making with people through actual physical interaction. Those
Mario A. McClellan
ENG COMP 101
Febuary 7, 2016
moments where you sit and talk to someone in person to see how they are create bounding
experiences needed to develop social behavior.
In conclusion, while fulfilling its purpose, it is damaging social behavior skills. Through
not directly interacting with individuals, people are missing out on developing certain social
skills needed in everyday life that are outside of the internet, particularly in school or the work
place.
“At the end of the day, nothing can replace face-to-face conversation and
interactions. Despite the explosion of online endorsements and social media
dialogue between individuals and brands, researchers have found word-of-mouth
exchanges and in-depth conversation are still most influential. Keller-Fay’s
TalkTrack research study also suggests that 90% of the influential conversations
that we have every day happen offline, while only 8% are online” (Fowlkes,
2012)
While social media delivers a quick way to catch up with friends and family and thousands of
other people you don’t know, interpersonal communication is still the number one way to
develop social behavior and is still needed for a continued intellectual society.
Exemplification Grading Rubric
Criteria
Unity: Is there a clear topic/thesis sentence?
Does all the material in the paragraph(s)
support the topic/thesis sentence?
Support: Is there specific evidence/details? Is
there a sufficient amount of
evidence/details?
Comments
Yes, there is a clear thesis statement, and all
material supports it.
Much more evidence and detail is required. Your
thesis statement is that social media has created
a negative behavior pattern. You mention
Facebook statuses, but that’s about it. The
purpose of an exemplification essay to is to give a
lot of details and examples. So, how else has
social media caused a negative behavior pattern?
What about how it causes cyberbullying, or how
it can be a gateway to marital affairs? Try
thinking of some additional points, other than
what I’ve just mentioned, and add those points to
the essay.
Possible
Points
10
35
Points
Awarded
10
10
Mario A. McClellan
ENG COMP 101
Febuary 7, 2016
Coherence: Is there a clear method of
organization? Are transitions used to connect
sentences and ideas?
Grammar/Sentence Skills: Do the sentences
flow smoothly and clearly? Is the paper free
of mistakes in grammar, punctuation, and/or
usage? Is the minimum word count met?
Yes, the essay is organized with the use of two
transitions.
MLA: Is there proper MLA formatting?
MLA first page formatting not done correctly. Intext citations not done correctly.
Total
20
18
25
21
10
1
60
Hi Mario, you have a good start to this exemplification essay, but much more detail is required.
Please revise based on my notes and email to me by Sunday, 2/14. The revision is permitted on
content only, not on formatting. If you have any questions, please let me know.
Work Cited
Fowlkes, Jasmine. “Viewpoint: Why Social Media Is Destroying Our Social Skills.” USA
TODAY College. 11 Oct. 2012. Web. 07 Feb. 2016.
Hendricks, Drew. “Complete History of Social Media: Then And Now.” Small Business Trends.
08 May 2013. Web. 07 Feb. 2016.
Social Media. Merriam-Webster. Merriam-Webster. Web. 07 Feb. 2016.
Mario A. McClellan
ENG COMP 101
Febuary 7, 2016
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